WATCH OUT! HERE COMES SEMI-CORRECT CAPITALIZATION!!!!
JUST LIKE IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Rebirth of Ruckus: the Rhythm Chicken story

It all began on July 1st, 1999, when he was pulling his 3-piece drum set out of his dinghole. This religious, yet dutiful, habit of fitting larger and larger and more elaborate items into his dinghole had become almost mundane. This act alone was obviously going nowhere. Where was the joy? Where was the rock & roll satisfaction? Where was the national acclaim? Where was Gary Coleman?

The answer came clear in that split second of farmyard revelation. The BEAT! The CHICKENHEAD! The PUBLIC! Social absurdity became his majestic salvation.

When dinghole stretching has lost its charm, follow your roots . . . back to the farm! This is, after all, the dairy state! Wisconsin, the secret envy of the other 49!

Green Bay became a modern-day Bethlehem as he pulled on the chickenhead. The drumset, still glistening in a fresh coat of dingjuice, sent tremors throughout the dairyland. As drumsticks met chickenskin, professionals gawked in awe, ladies turned to rubber, men held tight to their Gary Coleman action figures, and dingholes began to itch and swell. This world surely had been waiting for something. World-wide relief, born of this fateful dinghole, had finally hatched right on Main Street.

Those brave new rhythms opened the eyes of some 300 rock cretins. They stood in line, clutching their tickets to see the hip human rock band which suddenly seemed as exciting as cold toast. Soon the headliner and opening act filtered outside to bare witness to the rebirth of ruckus. Traffic stopped. Happy-hour drunks screamed. Camera flashes filled the air. Clueless peasants yelled the "R-word", as the brighter bulbs in attendance acknowledged sheer lunacy and embraced "the new R-word," . . . RUCKUS! Ruckus in the form of riotous rhythm and occasional free-form wrastlin.'

Born that day was a potent gladiator in the war against conformity in today's corpse of a music scene. Born that day was a new Pabst-fueled Lombardi, hell-bent on all things absurd and out-of-control. It's a big wobbly mis-shapen ball of crotch-rot, but he's dedicated to keep it rolling. Put your wings together for the Pope of Poultry and Percussion, the Rhythm Chicken!!!!!!!

Name: Rhythm Chicken.
Home: seasonally various corners of Wisconsin.
Dinghole diameter: kitchen sink.
Documented performances to date: 171.
Relation to Gary Coleman: emotional tampon.
Height: tall . . . (plus two chicken ears!)
Weight: 49 dozen eggs. (Grade A Large!)
Drumstick of choice: Regal Tip Quantum 3000 w/nylon tip . . . or KFC's original recipe!
Favorite example of alliteration: Random rhythm ruckus redefines reality!
Dinger length to dinghole diameter ratio: 1:2. (hence, dinger length = 1/2 kitchen sink!)
Most memorable Rhythm Chicken moments:
- playing Woodman's Grocery Store parking lot in Appleton.
- the bon voyage show for the full car ferry heading to Washington Island.
- playing outside of tavern at bartime after Supersuckers/New Bomb Turks show and both bands dancing drunk around the Chicken.
- playing Chris Dorn's wedding in Rowley's Bay.
- Making $24 in tips outside an RL Burnsides show in Minneapolis.
- Making 10 cents in tips outside a Guitar Wolf show in Green Bay.
- Being stopped by the management outside of Let It Be record store in Minneapolis.
- playing at a Minneapolis jewelry sale!
- playing on the frozen harbor of Fish Creek in Feb. 2000.
- playing downtown Lafayette, IN, just hours before ending up in the drunk tank!
- playing in the kitchen of the Bayview Family Restaurant at 3 am.
- playing outside of Chicago's Fireside Bowl after Groovie Ghoulies show, just to be rudely stopped by the Fireside staff.
- playing in the Ladies' restrooms of the Speakeasy Tavern, Cactus Club, Concert Cafe, JJ's Restaurant, etc.
- playing the Tower Chicken Farm Liberation Concert.
- playing in a packed parking ramp full of concert-goers from a Dixie Chicks show!
- playing to thousands on the Rushmor Records float in Milwaukee's South Shore Water Frolics Parade!
- playing in North Bay's Top Deck Lounge with lounge singer Vern Nussbaum!
- playing in the Gills Rock public phone booth to audiences nation-wide via an Ameritech calling card!

CAERRATS!